I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.