My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
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