What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
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