What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
I like you a latke!
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
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