What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
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