How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
"Time to wine down."
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
One should always practice what they peach.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
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