What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
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