What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Go to BabaMail
