What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
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