How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
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