The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
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