What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
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