Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
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