The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
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