Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
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