What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
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