Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.