Why Are You Calling Me Now?

Jokes that are about a stupid person, people being stupid, acting stupid or saying something stupid.

Why Are You Calling Me Now?
Why Are You Calling Me Now? What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered. "9 am," came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until 9 am?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. The librarian began to get angry. "No, not until 9 am!" said the librarian. "Why do you want to get in before 9 am anyway?" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
The Exotic Breakfast
The Exotic Breakfast A man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry. He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, "Try our Exotic Breakfast now" so he walks in and sits down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks what he wants. The man asks, "What's your Exotic Breakfast?" "Baked tongue of chicken," she proudly replies The man shouts, "Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I'd never even think about eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth! Urrghhh!!" The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, "No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?" The man says, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."
The Elephant Scheme
The Elephant Scheme A man visits a zoo and asks to speak to the director about the new "Rent-an-Animal" program. The zoo has fallen on hard times financially, so they decided to rent some of their animals outside the usual visitation hours. Usually its the small, cuddly ones, but this man asks for one of the elephants. "An elephant?" The zoo director asks. "Yes, the biggest one you have, please", the man says, quite certain. "I mean, we can do that", the director muses, "But it won't be cheap. That's $5,000 per day of rental alone and an additional $4,000$ for transportation. And you'll need to feed the elephant on your own bill, too." "That will not be a problem", the man says. "I'll just need him for a day, so here's $10,000 for your troubles." With that settled, the elephant gets transported to the mans address. "Very good. Put him in the bedroom on the second floor", the man orders. The personnel tries to get the elephant into the house, but he just doesn't fit through the door. Without hesitation, the man calls a construction company and rents a crane to get the elephant up, through the dismantled window and then re-seal the window at horrifyingly high cost. "You know what, it is none of my business", the zoo director asks at this point, "but I must know: What is this for?" "Well, you see", the man explains, "My wife's brother is living with us and he's a horrible know-it-all. Every quiz show we watch, he blurts out the answers before we can even take a guess. Every morning, he solves our crossword puzzles. He has beaten me fifteen times in a row at Trivial Pursuit. But this evening. This evening he will go upstairs, come back down and say: 'Hey, guess what, there's an elephant in my bedroom.' And I won't even look up from my book and just say 'Yes I know.'"
Two Sisters and a Ranch
Two Sisters and a Ranch Many years ago there were two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, who inherited the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly... com-for-da-bull."
The Blond Detective
The Blond Detective The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Chad - the new blond recruit, wants the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Chad, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Chad supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. perhaps he has a creative mind. "Now Chad, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Chad looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Chad wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. "Hey Chad! How was it?" "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Insane Timing
Insane Timing A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient shrugs and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
The Same Old Sandwich
The Same Old Sandwich There was a Redhead man, a Bald Man and a Blond man working on the top of a cliff. The Redhead said, "You know, every day it's the same sandwich my wife makes me. I'm so sick of it. If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Bald man said, "Right there with you my friend. If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Blond man said, "With you all the way chaps, If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Redhead man had cheese, the Bald man had ham, and the Blond man had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Redhead man and the bald man said, "Why didn't they just TELL us they didn't like their sandwiches??" The Blond's wife said in tears, "I don't understand it... He made his own sandwiches!"
The Idiot Savant
The Idiot Savant Three men die: A Physicist, a Philosopher and a Local town idiot. They stand before the gates of heaven. Between them and the gates stands St. Peter. St. Peter tells the three men "Sorry boys, but it seems heaven is getting jam-packed. To let you in, you have to beat me intellectually, either through a form of a question or a challenge." The first to come forward is the Physicist, and he tells St. Peter with great confidence "Show me the entire mathematical markup of the Higgs Boson." To which St. Peter merely snaps his finger and produces a dozen large whiteboards and proceeds to write up the whole markup from memory. After careful examination, the Physicist reluctantly agrees that he is correct, and with one snap of the finger, St. Peter sends him to the fiery gates of hell. The next to come forward is the Philosopher. Thinking that the Physicist made a grave mistake of challenging St. Peter with an empirical question, he decides to give a less-than-empirical challenge of his own. He tells St. Peter "Show me all of the works of Socrates." he says with a smirk, knowing Socrates never wrote down his teachings, St. Peter would be hard pressed on producing an answer. But despite this, St. Peter produces a stack of papers, and the Philosopher reads it with great criticism. There are things there he had never even heard of, and questioned the paper's authenticity, to which St. Peter remarked "Me and Socrates have chatted a lot ever since he got here." And with a snap of a finger, the Philosopher was gone. Last to come forward is the Local town idiot. The idiot asks St. Peter, "Could I give you a riddle instead?" and St. Peter replies "Of course! I love riddles!" and the idiot proceeds. "What comes up a hill with six legs and comes down with four, comes back up with two legs and back down with no more?" St. Peter ponders it for a good five minutes and arrives at no answer, and tells the idiot "Well, congratulations, you have left me dumbfounded." and with a snap of a finger, the gates of heaven opens up. The idiot proceeds to enter heaven, but right before he does so, he feels St. Peter tapping on his shoulder, he turns around. "So," St. Peter asks "What's the answer to your riddle?" The Idiot shrugs his shoulders and says "How the heck should I know?"
Blond On Blond Crime
Blond On Blond Crime A blond was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blond and she asked for the blond's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blond policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blond cop said, "You dummy, it's got your photo on it!" The blond driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license!" and handed it to the blond policewoman. The blond cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. Also, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
The Physics Oral Exam
The Physics Oral Exam The Physics professor decided to test the new students with a simple question: "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously light." "Alright, why?" "Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound" The professor sighs and gives a you're-an-idiot look. He moves to the next student asks the same question. "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously it is sound." "Uhhh what?? Why do you think this?" "Well when I turn on my TV, I first hear it and then comes the picture." Extremely annoyed the professor is now a bit pissed off. He believes that maybe the question is too hard for these pea brains and tries to vary it. The next student he asks "You are on the foot of a mountain. On the summit there is a cannon being fired. Do you first see the light of the fire or do you first hear the sound?" "Obviously you first see the light." Slightly hopeful the professor says "YES and why is that?" "Well the eyes are obviously further ahead than the ears."
The Chainsaw and the Troublesome Customer
The Chainsaw and the Troublesome Customer A guy enters a Home depot and tells one of the employees that he wants to buy an electric saw to cut down trees. The employee says "I got just what you need! Look at this beauty, it can cut down 100 trees a day!" The guy likes it, buys it and goes home. The next week the same guy comes back to Home Depot with an angry face and tells the employee "This electric saw is terrible! I could only cut down 50 trees a day!". The employee answers "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Look, we got an even better option: this new electric saw that can cut 200 trees a day!" The man's face lights up, he returns the old electric saw and buys the new one. One week after he comes back with an even angrier face and demands the employee: "You told me I could cut down 200 trees with this saw, but I can only cut down 100! I want my money back!". The employee apologizes: "I am truly sorry to hear that. Look, we just got this brand new, state-of-the-art electric saw that can cut 400 trees a day!". Again, the guy returns the old saw and happily buys the new one. One week passes and the guy storms into Home Depot. He yells "I am fed up! No matter what I did, I could only cut down 200 trees a day!" The employee says "ok sir, let me have a look at the saw". So the employee takes the saw, and cranks it up. The sound of the motor can be heard throughout the whole shop. The guy looks at the employee with disbelief and asks "What the hell is that sound?!?"
Well, It Can't Get Any Worse...
Well, It Can't Get Any Worse... In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!" At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Fishing Drunk
Fishing Drunk A drunk ice fisherman drills a hole in the ice and peers into it. As he does so, a loud voice from above says, "There are no fish down there." So the drunk fisherman walks several yards away and drills another hole. As he peers into it he again hears a voice say, "There's no fish down there." So he walks about 20 yards away and drills another hole. Once again the voice says, "There's no fish down there." The fisherman looks up to the sky and asks, "God, is that you?" "No, you idiot," says the voice. "It's the rink manager."
Something Wrong With the Horse
Something Wrong With the Horse A guy was driving past a farm one day when he noticed a beautiful horse stood in one of the fields. Hoping to buy the horse, the guy stopped and offered the farmer $500 for it. The farmer said, "Sorry, he's not for sale. He doesn't look too good." The guy said, "He looks just fine. Tell you what, I'll give you $1,000 for him." The farmer again said, "Sorry, he's not for sale. He doesn't look too good." The guy now really wanted the horse and so increased his offer to $1,500. The farmer said, "Well, he doesn't look so good but if you want him that much he's yours." So the guy bought the horse and took him home. The next day he returned to the farm, hopping mad. He shouted at the farmer, "Hey, you cheated me! You sold me a blind horse!" The farmer calmly said, "I told you he didn't look too good, didn't I?"
Old McDonald's Farm
Old McDonald's Farm Two Army football players were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, “Old MacDonald had a what?” The other replies, “He had a farm.” The first asks, “How do you spell it?” To which the second replied, “E-I-E-I-O.”
The Cartwheels
The Cartwheels A teen came to her mom and said "mom! I've got 10 dollars" Her mom said "Where from?" "Tommy from down the road he dared me to do a cartwheel" she replied "Dear that boy is just trying to see your panties!" "oohh" the girl says The next day the girl comes to her mom and says "Mommy I've got 20 dollars!" "I told you not to trust that boy!" "No mom I tricked him, I didn't even wear panties today!"
Woo Woo!
Woo Woo! A newbee hunter asked a experienced old hunter how to hunt bears. The old man answered:" It is easy, my son. I've hunted hundreds of bears in my life. You just need to grab your gun and take a ride to some mountains nearby. First, find a cave or stone cavern that might shelter a bear. Second, make some 'Woo! Woo!' sound so that the bear inside would mistake it as a signal of its companion. It should also make the same sound back at you. After it comes out, you just pull the trigger. Easy, right?" The newbee nodded and exited without coming back for months. After a long time, the old hunter saw that newbee on a street and found him crippled, with an ear lost and an eye blind. He asked him what happened. The newbee says: "I did as what you told me before. But god damn it, when something inside that cavern answered my 'Woo! Woo!', I didn't expect a train would come out and hit me!"
An Absent Minded Doctor
An Absent Minded Doctor A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some as*hole has my pen!"
Bob, Bob, Bob and Bob
Bob, Bob, Bob and Bob A reporter hears of a woman in his town that has the highest welfare payments, and he was curious as to why. So he went to her house to interview her. He got to a little house and after she opens, introduces himself and asks her, "How old are you?" He asked. "27." she said. "And how many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "Wow, ok that explains a lot." He said, taken a back. "And what are their names?" he asked. "Well there's Bob, then there's Bob, and Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and of course Bob." "They're ALL named Bob?" he asked, even more bewildered. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she explained, "I just call 'Bob,' and they all come running inside." "And if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'Bob, come eat your dinner,' and they do." She answered. "But what if you want just ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
A Slightly Confused Nurse
A Slightly Confused Nurse Three doctors with a growing private practice decided they needed to hire a new nurse onto their staff to meet their needs. They hired a very qualified applicant named Beth, and met after a week to discuss the new nurse's abilities in her new role. "She does a really good job with the patients, but I'm concerned Beth is mixing things up a bit. I told her her shift was from 7 AM to 5 PM and she showed up at 5 AM the next day." Said the first doctor. The second doctor chimed in, "I have had some similar issues. I told Beth to tell the patient they needed to take one antibiotic every 6 hours and she told them they needed to take 6 every one hour." The third doctor looked shocked, "I have had no issues so far-" The three heard a blood-curdling scream from the next room over. "Oh," said the third doctor, "I see what you mean. I just asked Beth to prick the boil on the patient in the next room."
The Last Lifeline
The Last Lifeline Irish Bobby went to American for his dream to make a lot of money. Luck striking like lightning, he found himself invited to "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." Many questions later and he is doing rather well. He is at the final question for a million dollars, he has only one lifeline left - phone a friend. The question comes: "Which bird does not make a nest? A) a Sparrow, B) a Swallow, C) a Blackbird or D) a Cuckoo Bobby doesn't know so he calls his friend Billy. Billy answers 'by Christ Bobby, it's a cuckoo -  100%.' Bobby goes with the advice his friend gave him and indeed that answer wins the million dollars and he is so very happy. Afterward, Bobby rings Billy and asks him 'How the heck did you know that? You're no bird expert!' 'Well Bobby you idiot," Said Billy, "What an easy question, He lives in a bloody clock, right?"
How to Predict the Weather
How to Predict the Weather Fall was upon a remote reservation when the Native American tribe asked their new Chief what the coming winter was going to be like. The modern-day Chief had never been taught the secrets of the ancients. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Better safe than sorry, he said to himself and told his tribe that the winter was indeed expected to be cold and that the members of the village should stock up on firewood to be prepared. After several days, our modern Chief got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "the Native Americans are collecting firewood like crazy."
The Blond Bank Robber and the Three Stalls
The Blond Bank Robber and the Three Stalls Three bank robbers: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. Are trying to evade the police when they come across a farm. Being short on time and options, they all decide to hide in the barn. The redhead hides near the horses, the brunette hides near the cows and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes. When the police come to search the barn, first they come to the horse stables. The redhead lets out a hefty "neeeyyyy", the cops are convinced that the horses are indeed alone, and the redhead escapes. The police then search the cow pens. The brunette saw what the first robber had done, and belts out a deep "mooooo". The cops are again convinced and the brunette is able to escape. The police finally turn to the stall where the Blond has hidden. The blond, seeing how easily the other two had gotten away, decides to use the same method. So as the police officers came close they suddenly hear: "Potato!"
An Unfair But Fair Trick
An Unfair But Fair Trick Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jack took the money.
The Right Gear For the Occasion
The Right Gear For the Occasion Carolyn, a rich blond, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all... After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her. The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?" Full of anger, the blonde replies, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."
Two Stupids Chase After An Indian
Two Stupids Chase After An Indian Back in the old Wild West, there were two stupid scoundrels, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground." He then says, "If any man brings me an Indian’s prized horse, I'll give him $1000." The two men looked at each other, walked out of their bar and mounted their horses. It wasn’t long before they saw an Indian, so they caught up to him and pushed him off his horse. He fell into a ravine, but the loyal horse followed him right down there. The two nuts scrambled to follow it down to the bottom to try and catch it. Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, look at this!" Dave replied, "Not now – can’t you see I’m trying to catch a prized horse!?” Jeff shouted again, breathlessly: "I really think you should look at this." “Why don’t you help me try and make $1000 instead of goofing off?” But Jeff was adamant. "Please, just take a damn look!” So Dave stopped running, looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians – and their horses. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be millionaires!"
A Cowboy at the Theater
A Cowboy at the Theater The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment, he had returned with the manager. Together, the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied....... "The balcony."
Which Substance Would You Like to Land in?
Which Substance Would You Like to Land in? Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, ''beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling ''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!''' He instantly regretted it.
The Volunteers and the Old Fire Truck
The Volunteers and the Old Fire Truck A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily-controlled parts. Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That ought to be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"
Jim Thinks He Can Get Any Job
Jim Thinks He Can Get Any Job Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager. "You say you have experience selling books?" "Lots of it," replies Jim. "And you have a Master's in American history from the University of Michigan?" "Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study." "Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in the firm." While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls. Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"