What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain? "Don't worry, I've got you covered."
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long? Becuase then it would be a foot.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep? For rest. (forest)
What do you call a hat for the brain? A thinking cap.
When does it rain brains? During a brain storm.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain? Neural crest.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip? Thalamus and Louise.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera? Because they are very cultured.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child? It didn't want to get brain-washed.
What street does the hippocampus live on? Memory lane. Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
When does a brain get afraid? When it loses its nerve.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock? "This was a stimulating experience."
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor? "You're a real pain."
What kind of fish performs brain surgery? A neurosturgeon.
How to Get People Off Drugs
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for doing drugs.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday and you better have gotten some results or you're going straight to jail."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge.
Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge.
"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your sphincter before prison... '"
There are some unexpected joys about being on the other side of 70, for example...
Kidnappers aren't very interested in you.
In a hostage situation, you will probably be released first.
No one expects you to run into a burning building. Or run at all.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You get into a heated argument about pension claims.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with the elevator music.
Your eyes won’t get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
And you may not remember who sent you this list.