Animals

A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
Little Johnny Goes to the Zoo With Dad
Little Johnny Goes to the Zoo With Dad Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. Little Johnny thought to himself that there was quite a large number of horses at this zoo He wondered where all the other animals were, but was still happy to see the horses. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
The Bear's Feet
The Bear's Feet A man loses his legs in a bear fight Despite this, he wins the fight, and uses the bears legs to replace his own. By the time he gets to a hospital, he has full control over his legs, The doctors tie the legs better, and let him keep them, About a month later, a ringmaster of a freak circus finds him, and offers him a job in the circus. He accepts, and a few months later, is ready for his first act. He walks in front of the audience, and loudly exclaims: 'I will now walk over these hot coals bear-foot!'
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Little Voices
Little Voices A doctor had just finished a long session of intercourse with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients. However, a little voice in his head said: "Lots of other doctors sleep with their patients, so it's not like you're the first." This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, "But then again, they probably weren't veterinarians..."
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.