Baseball Jokes

I Swear, He Can Talk!
I Swear, He Can Talk! A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office. "All right, lets make this quick, I have things to do. Says the bored agent. "What's your talent?" The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?" "Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail. "Listen, pal..." says the agent. "Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "How does sandpaper feel?" "Rough!" exclaims the dog. "Quit wasting my time and get out of here." sighs the agent. "One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?" "Ruth!" barked the dog. The man turns to the agent with a bright smile. "Okay, that's it!" says the agent. He gets up and forces the man and the dog out the door. Turning to the man, the dogs sighs and says: "Joe Dimaggio?"
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
Jose the Tourist
Jose the Tourist A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he saved his money and went on a trip. He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience: "What happened?" asked his family. "Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and shouted to me: "Jose, can you see?"
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
The Baseball Buddies
The Baseball Buddies Sam and Dean were the best of friends as well as two of the biggest baseball fans the world has ever seen. All of their lives, Sam and Dean would talk about baseball. They went to all the games they could get to. They even made a pact, as kids, that when one of them dies - the other will return to tell him if heaven has baseball games. One night, after watching a Yankee victory, Sam happily dies. A few nights later, his buddy Dean wakes up to a familiar sound - it's Sam, and he's talking to him from beyond. "Sam, is that you?" Asks Dean. "Sure is, buddy!" replies Sam. "Wow this is amazing!" exclaims Dean. "So, please tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well," answers Sam. "I have some good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?" "Give me the good news first." "Ok, well the good news is that the answer is yes, there is baseball in heaven." "That's incredible! So what's the bad news, then?" "You're pitching tomorrow night."
If you were a baseball mit, would you catch my fly balls?
If you were a baseball field could I hit a homerun.
If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit?
Girl is your name baseball? Cause I just want to hit it with you.
As a baseball player, I know my way around the bases.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
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