Ripe Jokes

How do you know when an avocado is ripe?
How to Turn Tomatoes Red A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” The man replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” She says to herself "Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.
A Cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he'd live to a ripe old age
So he did this religiously, every morning.

He lived to the ripe old age of 96.

He left behind 8 Children, 24 Grandchildren and 60 Great Grandchildren, as well as a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
What will you do if you come across a green alien? I’ll simply wait until it’s ripe.
Girl, are you ripe? Because I would give you a good thump before I eat you up.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
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