Mortician Jokes

Three new corpses are delivered to the morgue one day, each with a smile on their face. The mortician examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death. "First body, Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face. Second body, Irishman, aged 30, won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile on his face." The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?" The mortician says, "Ah, this is perhaps the most interesting of all. This is Justin, aged 25, a flat-earther. He was struck by lightning". "Why's he smiling, then?" "He thought he was getting his picture taken".

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. “You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. “I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. "Then it was just a matter of switching the heads."