Bread

The Way it Used to Be
The Way it Used to Be A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather. He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change." Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents. "Can't do that today, though. No siree Bob!" "Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy. "Too many bloody cameras."
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
That Whole-Wheat Bread
That Whole-Wheat Bread Two very old men were having a conversation about se*. Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30-year-old!" Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?" To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!" So the second old man rushed to the store. The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?' "Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon. "That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked. "Darn! Does EVERYONE know about this except me?"
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
James A. Garfield
There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
Who perpetually ate bread and butter,
Till a great bit of muffin,
On which he was stuffing,
Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
I loaf you a lot.
Let’s go to bread.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.