Clock

What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home...
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
The Talking Clock
The Talking Clock Keith was known as a drunk to his friends. One night he was having a housewarming party for his new apartment. While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, Keith led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Observe." said Keith, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For bloody sake, you bastard, it's 2am in the damn morning!!!"
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Are you a clock?
Because you're ticking me off.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What did the German clock maker say to the clock that only went "tick tick tick"?
Ve haf vays to make you tock...
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
The doctor told me he found something alarming in my colonoscopy.
Turns out it was a clock.