Year

This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'”
Claude Pepper
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”