Library Jokes

What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Knock Knock!

Who is there?

Beaver Y.

Beaver Y. who?

Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
This Book is So Dull! A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and, screaming, said, “I have a complaint!” “How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her complaint, the librarian asked: “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde. "Ahhhhh," nodded the librarian. "So you're the person who took our phone book."
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
The Library, the Chicken and the Frog A chicken walks into the library, marches to the desk, and says: "Book, book, BOOK!" The librarian hands over a couple of novels, and watches the chicken as it leaves the library, walks across the street, through a field, and disappears down the hill. Next day, the chicken is back. Walks right up to the librarian, drops the books on her desk, and says, "Book, Book, BOOK, BOOK!" The librarian hands over a few books and again watches the chicken drag them away. The next day, the chicken comes for a third time. Drops the books on the desk, and says, "Book, Book, Book, BOOK!!" This time, once the chicken is out the door, the librarian follows — across the street, through a field, and down the hill to a small pond. On a rock on the edge of the pond is the biggest frog the librarian has ever seen. The chicken walks up to the frog, drops the book on the pond's edge, and says, "Book, Book, Book!" The frog hops over, uses the front leg to push through the pile, and says: "Read it, read it, read it..."
It’s a good thing I have my library card because I am totally checking you out.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
there once was a couple named Kelly
they got stuck belly to belly
for in their haste they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
Library Voice A kid in a library walks up to the librarian and says, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please!" Librarian responds, "Hey kid, you know you're in a library, right?" Kid says, "Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please."
We could make such a beautiful library together.
You must be a library book because I can’t stop checking you out.
I was caught masturbating in the library over the small print of laws and local regulations....
.....I got off on a technicality
A man walks into the library.
“Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.”
The librarian replies: “Whose going to bring it back?”
Can I borrow your library card? Cause I’m checking you out.
A Call to the Librarian A librarian is woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call. "What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered. "9 am," he said. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until 9 am?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. The librarian began to get angry.  "No, not until 9 am!" said the librarian. "You can't get in by then so you'll just have to wait!" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
Why Are You Calling Me Now? What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered. "9 am," came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until 9 am?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. The librarian began to get angry. "No, not until 9 am!" said the librarian. "Why do you want to get in before 9 am anyway?" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
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