A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault. The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later. It was a brief case.
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?" The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume. One day I asked him why. He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective? He has a nose for these things.
What does a short sighted detective wear? Suspectacles
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent? Sherlock Homes
Researching the Wife
An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony.
But being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men.
After a few days, the politician at last received his detective's report, which went like this:
"Sir, this lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background. No one has anything against her character.
But yes, according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician with a dubious reputation."
Three new corpses are delivered to the morgue one day, each with a smile on their face.
The mortician examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death.
"First body, Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face.
Second body, Irishman, aged 30, won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile on his face."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
The mortician says, "Ah, this is perhaps the most interesting of all. This is Justin, aged 25, a flat-earther. He was struck by lightning".
"Why's he smiling, then?"
"He thought he was getting his picture taken".
A hydrogen molecule gets arrested. His mother comes down to the police station to bail him out. She is met by the detective working the case. I don’t understand it, says the mother. Hydrogen was always a good kid. I never had any problems til he met oxygen. Don’t worry, says the detective. The situation is fluid but he won’t be charged.