Advice

“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who just simply lived on gherkins.
In spite of advice,
She ate so much spice,
That she ruined her internal working's.
Disgracing the Family
Disgracing the Family A young Italian girl was going on her first date. Before the date her Nonna decided to give her some advice. Nonna said, "Sita here ana letame tella you about those-a younga boys. He's agonna try and kiss you, you are agonna likea that... but don't let him do that. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea that too... but don'ta let him do that! But most important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that. Doing that willa disgraca the family!!" With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Grandpa's Advice Was So Awesome
Grandpa's Advice Was So Awesome I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor, and on a very personal level. My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me, it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives. The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give! Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was 12. We were sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family. "And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands." "How come, Grandpa?" I asked. "It makes your pecker look bigger."
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.