Time

The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
The Truck Stop
The Truck Stop After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield. But he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25!" another jogger yells at him.
Insane Timing
Insane Timing A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient shrugs and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
The Attractive Shoe Shiner
The Attractive Shoe Shiner A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a gorgeous woman kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, "Hi there. You know, you and I should spend some time in a hotel room." She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that." The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference." She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."