Insurance Jokes

I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Good thing I just bought term life insurance … because I saw you and my heart stopped!
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
I was so amazed by your beauty that I had to run to the wall over there. So, I need to get your number and name to claim my insurance.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran my boat into yours. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.
And when he one day passed away,
His insurance was denied,
For since he never really lived,
They claimed he never really died.
An Ounce of Brain
An Ounce of Brain A man is lying in the hospital, waiting to be the first person in history to receive a brain transplant. A doctor comes in and says "Congratulations! But unfortunately since this is a new procedure your insurance isn't going to cover it all. So we're going to give you 3 choices for brains and you can decide which you can afford." "Okay, what are they?" Says the man to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, first there's engineer brain, that's $100 an ounce. Then there's astrophysicist brain, that'll cost you $200 an ounce. Finally there's politician brain. That's the most expensive at $1000 an ounce." The man looks at the doctor, surprised. "That's absurd! Why is the politician brain so expensive?" The doctor turns to him and says "Sir, do you have any idea how MANY politicians it takes to get an ounce of brain?!?"
Girl, you're so expensive, my insurance is requiring prior authorization before our first date.
Good thing I’ve got travel insurance, ’cause things are about to get wild.
Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
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