Contest

I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Yo Mama so ugly when she entered an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, we don't allow professionals."
The Cursing Contest
The Cursing Contest Some time ago, in a little village, there was a yearly tradition. The people of the village, who were usually very polite and God-fearing, would, for one day, participate in a competition of curses. So once a year, everyone gathered in the village square and watch their fellow villagers go one by one on the little dais and try to come up with the most foul and creative curses in as flowing and natural a manner as possible. This year wasn't going so well, unfortunately. While some people were pretty creative, no one really impressed the village with their profanity. They've heard variations of it all before. It was late in the afternoon, and all the promising talents have already gone up. It came time for lesser talents, and Peter was known to have some good curses on occasion, so he was called up. They called his name several times, but he wasn't answering. Eventually, after a few minutes, they heard the door to the outhouse slam and Peter ran up the stage, and as he arrived he had already begun a flow of such profanity, such nasty cursing, that everyone took a step back. He was jumping up and down and saying such things that even ruddy, experienced old men blanched at this incredible tirade of pure verbal pollution. Eventually the flow of curses ebbed. The village people all stared at him, amazed into silence. "Alright," said Peter brightly, "got that darn zipper up, now for the cursing!"
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I had an art contest with my friend.
It ended in a draw.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
A man was once offended
By a pun writing contest he entered
He submitted ten
Sure that one would win
But alas no pun in ten did.
Are you going to a beauty contest? Because you are looking damn beautiful.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
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