I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich. But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth. . Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!
That Little Pill
A senior couple decides to try viagra for the first time ever. They have an incredible night together.
In the morning, the wife asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. “Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again.
"No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says,
"Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"
There was a Redhead man, a Bald Man and a Blond man working on the top of a cliff.
The Redhead said, "You know, every day it's the same sandwich my wife makes me. I'm so sick of it. If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."
The Bald man said, "Right there with you my friend. If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The Blond man said, "With you all the way chaps, If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The next day, the Redhead man had cheese, the Bald man had ham, and the Blond man had jam. So they all jumped.
At the funerals, the wives of the Redhead man and the bald man said, "Why didn't they just TELL us they didn't like their sandwiches??"
The Blond's wife said in tears, "I don't understand it... He made his own sandwiches!"
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date? “You make me melt.”
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
The Hillbilly Maneuver
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallaw?' The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seen nobody do it!'