Green Jokes

I'm wearing green, you're wearing green, we have so much in common we should go out sometime.
I am a mean green machine.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
How to Turn Tomatoes Red A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” The man replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” She says to herself "Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
Forget the wearing of green — let’s go right to the wearing of you like a hat!
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
I am a mean green machine.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Why are the Irish so concerned about global warming?
They’re really into green living.
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
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