City

The New Technology
The New Technology A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father visited the city for the very first time. They wandered around, marveling at the different sights. Eventually, they got to a mall.  They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but they were especially amazed at two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."  While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady passed between them into a small room.  The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son: "Junior, go get your Mother."
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Little Johnny is Fascinated
Little Johnny is Fascinated The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.” Caroline raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see New York City and I was fascinated.” The teacher sighed and said, “Well, that was good Caroline, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.” Little Johnny raised his hand, now the teacher knew he was a bit of a scamp, but she was desperate to finish this lessons, so she finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate.” Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her breasts are so big she can only fasten eight!” The teacher sat down and cried.
Take me down to Hai-
ku City where the grass is
green, and the dammit.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep
She enraptured the deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.
There was an old person of Troy,
Whose drink was warm brandy and soy,
Which he took with a spoon,
By the light of the moon,
In sight of the city of Troy.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
It was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down.
Short Funny Quotes
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
George Burns
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
Henny Youngman
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Foreign Trouble in Canada
Foreign Trouble in Canada A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," said the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'!" "Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys