City Jokes

There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Short Funny Quotes
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
George Burns
The New Technology A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father visited the city for the very first time. They wandered around, marveling at the different sights. Eventually, they got to a mall.  They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but they were especially amazed at two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."  While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady passed between them into a small room.  The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son: "Junior, go get your Mother."
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Foreign Trouble in Canada A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," said the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'!" "Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Which city in France is the nicest?
Nice.
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Little Johnny is Fascinated The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.” Caroline raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see New York City and I was fascinated.” The teacher sighed and said, “Well, that was good Caroline, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.” Little Johnny raised his hand, now the teacher knew he was a bit of a scamp, but she was desperate to finish this lessons, so she finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate.” Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her breasts are so big she can only fasten eight!” The teacher sat down and cried.
Remember the city,
Remember the town,
Remember the s/he who ruined your birthday card.
By writing inside upside down!
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