Whispers

The Dying Accountant
The Dying Accountant An old accountant is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here." He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "So if everybody is here... why is the light on in the kitchen?!?"
The Rude Customer
The Rude Customer A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly beautiful waitress came to his table. "What would you like, sir?" He looks at the menu and then looks at her, then answers, "A quickie." The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man looks at her and answers, "A quickie, please." This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away. A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers... "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche.'"