Tonight Jokes

I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
How to Turn Tomatoes Red A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” The man replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” She says to herself "Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
I know what gift I want to give you tonight.
Let’s both be naughty and save Santa the trip tonight.
Your stocking isn't the only thing I'll be stuffing tonight...
I've got the keys to the sleigh tonight.
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
Want to melt my beeswax candles tonight?
Are you a lion of the sea? Because I’m sure, I’ll see you in my bed tonight, lion.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly… outside your bedroom window.
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Fireworks won't be the only thing exploding tonight.
Tonight you can be like America’s medal count… on the top!
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