Tonight

What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
I lost my teddy bear.
Can I sleep with you tonight?
Tell me your name so I know what to scream tonight.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Se*! Se*! Se*! Free se* tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have five fingers
but tonight you’ll get two.
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Do you know what's on the menu tonight, girl?
Me 'n' U.
Hi, my name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Guy walks into a bar. Sees a hot girl.
He walks up to her and says "You're getting laid tonight.”
She replies “What are you, some sort of psychic?”
He says “No... I’m just stronger than you."
How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable... Like you.
I'm not a d**k in real life, but I'll play one in your v*ina tonight!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!