Tonight Jokes

How to Turn Tomatoes Red A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” The man replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” She says to herself "Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Are you lonesome tonight? I can't help falling in love with you.
Are you a lion of the sea? Because I’m sure, I’ll see you in my bed tonight, lion.
This headlamp isn’t the only thing getting turned on tonight.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.
Starlight, Starbright, why don’t you come home with me tonight!
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
You must be the iceberg from Titanic and I'm the ship because tonight we're gonna smash.
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly… outside your bedroom window.
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
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