Tonight Jokes

Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
Are you a lion of the sea? Because Iโ€™m sure, Iโ€™ll see you in my bed tonight, lion.
You must be the iceberg from Titanic and I'm the ship because tonight we're gonna smash.
This headlamp isnโ€™t the only thing getting turned on tonight.
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assemblyโ€ฆ outside your bedroom window.
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
How to Turn Tomatoes Red A womanโ€™s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes wonโ€™t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, โ€Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?โ€ The man replies, โ€Well, it may sound absurd but hereโ€™s what to do. Tonight thereโ€™s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and theyโ€™ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning theyโ€™ll all be red, youโ€™ll see.โ€ She says to herself "Well, what the heck it canโ€™t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. โ€œSo so,โ€ she answers. โ€œThe tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.โ€
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said โ€œmummy, youโ€™ve peeโ€™d on the floorโ€

Needless to say I was in stitches.
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
Are you lonesome tonight? I can't help falling in love with you.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Starlight, Starbright, why donโ€™t you come home with me tonight!
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