A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and, screaming, said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complaint, the librarian asked: “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
"What wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 80 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?!"
he new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"
When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks... ...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a cop asking me questions.
Everything is Bigger in Texas
A blind man is unafraid to travel and experience new things around the world. Eventually, his travels take him to Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is huge!”
“EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!” says the bellhop cheerfully.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer.
A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow, these drinks are enormous!”
The bartender disclaims: “EVERYTHING is big in Texas!”
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and the poor guy falls right in.
The few swimmers there were shocked when a man suddenly popped his head up from under the water flailing his arms and screaming, “Don’t flush, DON'T FLUSH!!!!!”