Funny Insults & ComebacksJoke Generator

Funny insults you can use or prepared comebacks for people insulting you

Thou leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch!
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
Yo Mama so short she does back flips under the bed.
Yo mama so old, When she farted dust came out!
When was the last time you saw someone smile because you entered a room? Do you even remember?
Yo Mama so ugly when she went to the bathroom, she scared the crap out of the toilet.
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Don't EVER let anyone tell you that you can do something.
You're so short, when it rains you are always the last one to know.
Yo Mama so stupid she stared at an orange juice carton for 20 minutes, because it said 'Concentrate'.
Yo Mama so short she uses a sock for a sleeping bag.
She's like the heel of the bread: everyone touches her but nobody wants her.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
You are now sailed into the north of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman’s beard.
A father asks his newly betrothed daughter: "Tell me something, does this guy have any money?"

"Oh my gosh!" Exclaims his daughter, "Is that all you men think about? That's exactly what he asked about YOU!"
Yo momma so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D.
Foul spoken coward, that thund’rest with thy tongue, and with thy weapon nothing dares perform.
Short people tend to get angry quickly because they are so close to the ground their anger does not dissipate quickly.
Why should you not hire short people as chefs? Because the steaks are too high.
Yo momma so fat that when she bends over, the whole country enters daylight saving.
My phone battery lasts longer than your promises!
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Men from children nothing differ.
You’re so tall that when you tie your shoes, you accidentally tie the shoelaces together.
Thou art as fat as butter.
Yo Mama so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
You are about one bit short of a byte.
Yo mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs.
A man said, "Hey, what's the weather there?" I said, "If I spit on you, it's going to rain really hard".
"You are so tall that you can touch a flying airplane".
"Wow, I'll alert the media houses at once".
Whats the difference between a clown and a tall person?
Their shoe store.
How to respond if someone jokes about tall people? "Can't you find some new jokes, this one is as old as the dinosaurs".
Yo Mama so short she doesn't have to open the door to get in the house.
You're so short, you'll need a ladder to reach manhood.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Yo Mama's so ugly even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
Yo momma so fat when she jumped in the ocean she said "Beat that Moses."
I am sick when I do look on thee.
Yo Momma so poor she has to hang her toilet paper out to dry.
You're so short you could bungee jump off a curb!
Yo Mama so short even when she smokes weed she can't get high.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
Yo Mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
My relatives said, "You are so tall you don't need a ladder to climb?" I just replied, "How does it feel to hear anything I say after 10 seconds?".
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
Jack E. Leonard
Yo Mama so stupid if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
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