Take

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I told my doctor I was paranoid my life was being filmed.
He told me to take one, action.
My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally.
The police get mad at me because that’s apparently considered “kleptomania.”
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!