Allowed

There was an odd fellow named Gus,
When travelling he made such a fuss.
He was banned from the train,
Not allowed on a plane,
And now travels only by bus.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
I just wanted to make sure my mom woke up with a big smile on her face.
Now i'm not allowed to play with sharpies anymore.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Funny Poems Page 1

One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say
Why aren't prostitutes allowed near prisons?
Because a sentence shouldn't end with a proposition.
How Much Do You Charge?
How Much Do You Charge? A man finds himself in need of a good lawyer. He finds one online and goes to his office. After being allowed inside, he sits across from the lawyer. He needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks. “Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.” The man was alarmed. “Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?” He inquired. “Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.