Are you kraken? Because I picture you swallowing a bunch of seaman
A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.
To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.
So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without).
He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
I just went to a fireworks shop and asked for their biggest bomb. They gave me a picture of you
Little Johnny and the Hammer
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, "What’s the matter little Johnny?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb bang on with the hammer!" said little Johnny through his tears.
His mother was touched by the boy's sensitivity, but didn't like seeing him cry.
"That’s not so serious." She tried to soothe him. "Now I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. That's something to laugh about."
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.
The years go flying by so fast We wonder why our youth does not last But when I look at you I see A younger version of what you use to be But remember I am aging with you And without my glasses the picture is skewed So who cares about what has been done As long as birthdays keep having fun!
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one. So I told her, "Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!