Jokes > Tags > Day

Day

My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
I bought a second hand time machine the other day.
They don't make them like they're going to.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
Seas the day.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me (speaking slowly): "No, not space.. Car go ROAD."
Manager: " Can I see you in my office?"
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”