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Day

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
I bought a second hand time machine the other day.
They don't make them like they're going to.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
Seas the day.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me (speaking slowly): "No, not space.. Car go ROAD."
Manager: " Can I see you in my office?"