Race Jokes

Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
An Experiment Turned Race
An Experiment Turned Race There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Chevelle if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. His friend said, "Sure." So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend: "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you to maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down." With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, an orange Camaro came up beside them and before you knew it, the fellow driving the Chevelle forgot all about the fellow on the bike and took to drag racing the Chevelle. A little further down the road sat Officer John in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 105 mph He called into headquarters on his radio: "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Camaro and a Chevelle racing out here on Highway 3, and there's a guy on a bike ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!"
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
Tall people: the giraffes of the human race since the beginning of time.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.

(Jeffrey Krise)
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Girl, you must be norepinephrine because you make my heart race.
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