Face Jokes

Little Johnny Gets a Warning Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said: "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Wisdom or Money? A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp. It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out! The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world." The Genie goes "poof" and suddenly the man's face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, "I should have taken the money".
The Mysterious Smiles Three new corpses were delivered to the morgue one day, each with a great big smile on his face. The mortification examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death. "First body- Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face. Second body- Irishman, aged 30, won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile on his face." The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?" The mortician says, "Ah, this is perhaps the most unlikely of all. Billy-bob, a farm boy from Oklahoma, aged 25, struck by lightning". "Why's he smiling, then?" "He thought he was getting his picture taken".
Now That We're Married... Linda decided to tie the knot with her long time boyfriend, Roy. One evening, after the honeymoon, Linda was was organizing her law books. Her husband was standing nearby watching her. After a long period of silence he finally speaks: "Linda, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit lawyering. You spend so much time in the courtroom. You could probably get a good price for your books." Linda gets this horrified look on her face. Roy says, "Darling, what's wrong?" "For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-husband." "Ex-husband!" he shouts, chagrined. "I didn't know you were married before!!" "I wasn't."
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"I like the parts of your face that are covered with skin."
- Anchorman 2 (2013)
Hey pumpkin – I bet I can put a smile on your face.
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
— Unknown
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”
— Sicilian Proverb
The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
The Prejudiced Juror A man wanted to be dismissed from jury duty, but none of his excuses worked. So on the day of the trial, he asked to approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant." "Oh?" the judge asked. "Yes!" the man replied. "I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face, and I thought, 'He's a crook! He's 100% guilty.' So, your Honor, I couldn't possibly be on this jury!" The judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are seeking--a good judge of character." The man protested, "How can you say that?" "Because," the judge said, "that man is the defendant's lawyer."
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