A crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face in his unit and barked at him immediately.
โGet over here! Whatโs your name, sailor?โ
โJohn,โ the new seaman replied.
โLook, I donโt know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap theyโre teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I donโt call anyone by his first name,โ the chief scowled. โIt breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever. And you are to refer to me as โMaster Chief.โ"
He gave him a threatening glare honed by years of experience. "Do I make myself clear?โ
โAye, Aye, Master Chief!โ
โNow that weโve got that straight, whatโs your last name?โ
The seaman sighed.
โDarling, my name is John Darling, Master Chief.โ
โOkay, John, hereโs what I want you to do...โ
A man goes for a leisurely stroll on the beach when he suddenly trips on something and falls.
Getting up, he notices he tripped on something metallic. He pulls it out and to his surprise it's an old lamp! He starts to brush it, thinking it might brings a few coins at the market, when suddenly a great rush of blue smoke comes pouring out of the lamp and becomes 7 feet tall genie!
The genie thunders: "You have awakened me, Oh Master! You can ask two wishes of me, and I will make them come true."
After a moment of shock, the man settles to think.ย
"Only two?" he asks. "I heard that it is usually THREE wishes!"
"Look in your pants." said the genie.
The man looks inside his pants and gives a shriek. "My God, I'm... I'm ENORMOUS!"
"Not my first time." smiled the genie.
A Kung Fu pupil asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated."
The master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I watch it every night."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this stuff instead of training."
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