Angry

Never get angry if someone makes jokes about your height. Be ready with a comeback like, "My legs are longer than the patience which I have for your jokes".
Taking the Wife to the Bar
Taking the Wife to the Bar An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose." she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "and you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
The Chainsaw and the Troublesome Customer
The Chainsaw and the Troublesome Customer A guy enters a Home depot and tells one of the employees that he wants to buy an electric saw to cut down trees. The employee says "I got just what you need! Look at this beauty, it can cut down 100 trees a day!" The guy likes it, buys it and goes home. The next week the same guy comes back to Home Depot with an angry face and tells the employee "This electric saw is terrible! I could only cut down 50 trees a day!". The employee answers "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Look, we got an even better option: this new electric saw that can cut 200 trees a day!" The man's face lights up, he returns the old electric saw and buys the new one. One week after he comes back with an even angrier face and demands the employee: "You told me I could cut down 200 trees with this saw, but I can only cut down 100! I want my money back!". The employee apologizes: "I am truly sorry to hear that. Look, we just got this brand new, state-of-the-art electric saw that can cut 400 trees a day!". Again, the guy returns the old saw and happily buys the new one. One week passes and the guy storms into Home Depot. He yells "I am fed up! No matter what I did, I could only cut down 200 trees a day!" The employee says "ok sir, let me have a look at the saw". So the employee takes the saw, and cranks it up. The sound of the motor can be heard throughout the whole shop. The guy looks at the employee with disbelief and asks "What the hell is that sound?!?"
Mick Jagger and the Desperate Youth
Mick Jagger and the Desperate Youth A guy had met a girl recently and he really liked her, so he would try to impress her on every chance that showed up. One day, they were at a Rolling Stones concert. The guy excused himself for a moment to go to the bathroom, but made a turn and headed right to the band’s room. In there was Mick Jagger getting ready. Our guy approached him and begged him to come and talk to him at some point during the concert. He tried to explain that he really liked his girlfriend and they were both huge fans of the Rolling Stones, so it would mean the world to him if his girlfriend was given the impression that he was an acquantaince of Mick Jagger’s. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ll have time for that.” said Mick Jagger. “Please Mr. Jagger, and I promise I won’t bother you ever again.” “Okay, fine. If it'll get you out of my hair." Later on, during a break between songs, Mick Jagger got off stage and went over to the guy and his girlfriend. “Hey man, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while!” he told him with a big smile. The guy looks at him impatiently. "Ugh, Mick, can't you see I'm talking to my girlfriend??"
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
The Naughty Baby
The Naughty Baby A woman is riding the bus while trying to breastfeed her baby. The baby, however, isn't interested. After several tries, the mother is quite angry. "Drink the milk or I'll give it all to the man sitting at the back!" she says. The baby is still playing around. A few minutes later she tries again, "drink the milk or I'll really give it all to the man at the back, and you'll go hungry!" The baby continues rejecting her. She tries again, very angry this time, "I'm definitely going to give it all to the man at the back if you don't behave!" This goes on a few more times. Suddenly she hears a voice from the back of the bus - "Lady will you please make up your mind? I was supposed to get off 5 stops ago."
Short people tend to get angry quickly because they are so close to the ground their anger does not dissipate quickly.
The Angry Woman and the Walmart Greeter
The Angry Woman and the Walmart Greeter An angry woman with two kids enters Walmart, shouting angrily at the children and at anyone who crosses her path. The greeter at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Walmart." "Shut the F up." Grunts the woman. Unperturbed, he says: "Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting just enough to say, "Hell, they’re not twins! The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "Neither. It's just hard to believe someone slept with you twice."
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
The Florist's Mix-Up
The Florist's Mix-Up A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied: "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this - somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: “Congratulations on your new location!”
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
A Call to the Librarian
A Call to the Librarian A librarian is woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call. "What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered. "9 am," he said. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until 9 am?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. The librarian began to get angry.  "No, not until 9 am!" said the librarian. "You can't get in by then so you'll just have to wait!" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
The Stuttering Tortoise
The Stuttering Tortoise A long time ago, when animals ruled the lands, a band of tortoises made its slow way from their old home, now turned too cold for them, to a new one down south. Every night they went to sleep and left a guard to call if a predator shows up. Everything went fine until the third night, when Elvi the stuttering tortoise was put on guard duty. In the middle of the night, he saw a fox, and he started calling out: "Ff...fff...ffff...." but before he could finish the warning, a fox came and snatched one of the tortoises away. The rest of the tortoises were very angry with Elvi, and so they made him watch again the next night, warning him he better not repeat his mistake. In the middle of the night, Elvi starts saying "W...wwww.wwwwwoo..." but before he could finish, a wolf comes and snatches another tortoise away. Now the tortoises are livid. They tell poor Elvi that if this happens again, they will kill him themselves! So the third night comes, and Elvi sees another fox, and so he calls out: "Ff... ffff... fooooxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!!" He screams it so loud everyone wakes and they fight the fox away. As a big thank you to Elvi and his keen eyesight, they gathered around him with praise. He is so happy, he says: "Hip Hip!" "Hooray!" they all cheer. "Hip Hip!" "Hooray!!" "Hip Hip!" "Hooray, hooray hooray!!!" And then a herd of hippos ran over them.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
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