What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
The Priest and Businessman
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble.
His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide.
As a last resort, he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally, the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.
The priest recognized the benefactor and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.
"Absolutely," replied the businessman.
"You went to the beach?"
"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"
"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"
"And what were the first words you saw?"
Taking a romantic ride today, We sat upon the wagon. Suddenly the horse lifted his tail And we heard a roaring dragon!
The deafening sound hurt my ears And the smell burned the hairs in my nose. My girlfriend sat and glared at me. Somehow my fault I suppose.
It was my idea to take the ride, But how was I to know? It really wasn't in my plans; Didn't know the horse would blow.
The noise and the smell were bad enough, As the wind blew quickly by. But I think the very worst of it, Was the brown stuff in my eye.
My girlfriend's face turned angry red. So I figured I wouldn't dare, Advise her of the smelly pieces Of horse stuff in her hair.
The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away, Stubbornly lifting her chin. I think that horse was enjoying himself, Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.
A lesson learned for me today. Although I must confess, I laughed so hard I nearly cried As I wiped away the mess.
(by Annabel Sheila)
The Lady and Her Hat
A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm.
She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand. Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it continued to flap in the wind, exposing her privates for everyone to see.
The policeman asked, "Hey Lady, everybody is taking a look at what you've got. Don't you think that pulling your dress down is more important than worrying about your hat?"
"Look here, Sonny - what these people are looking at is 85 years old, but the Hat is BRAND NEW!”