Egg Jokes

Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.”
— Bernard Meltzer
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
The Exotic Breakfast
The Exotic Breakfast A man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry. He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, "Try our Exotic Breakfast now" so he walks in and sits down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks what he wants. The man asks, "What's your Exotic Breakfast?" "Baked tongue of chicken," she proudly replies The man shouts, "Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I'd never even think about eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth! Urrghhh!!" The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, "No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?" The man says, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”

- Mark Twain.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”

- Weird Science.
A Bizarre Afterlife
A Bizarre Afterlife Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber... He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph." Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! St Peter said,"I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal. Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past."So you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad,"replied Ralph the Hen,but I have this strange feeling inside, like I'm going to explode." "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before!" "Never."said Ralph. "Well just relax and let it happen," says the rooster" It's no big deal." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell..."RALPH wake up! You crapped the bed!"
Girl, you're the Egg McMuffin of one night stands.
Are you the chicken or the egg? Either way, I'll make sure you come first.
Are you an egg? Because I wanna scramble your insides.
You're a good egg.
Me without you is like the Easter egg hunt without the Easter Eggs.
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
Hey, do you want to go on an Easter egg hunt? I'm sure you'll find something surprising in my pants.
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