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Egg

What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
A Bizarre Afterlife
A Bizarre Afterlife Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber... He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph." Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! St Peter said,"I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal. Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past."So you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad,"replied Ralph the Hen,but I have this strange feeling inside, like I'm going to explode." "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before!" "Never."said Ralph. "Well just relax and let it happen," says the rooster" It's no big deal." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell..."RALPH wake up! You crapped the bed!"
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
The Exotic Breakfast
The Exotic Breakfast A man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry. He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, "Try our Exotic Breakfast now" so he walks in and sits down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks what he wants. The man asks, "What's your Exotic Breakfast?" "Baked tongue of chicken," she proudly replies The man shouts, "Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I'd never even think about eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth! Urrghhh!!" The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, "No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?" The man says, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Knock Knock
Who's there
Four Eggs
Four Eggs who
Four Eggs ample!
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
Why did the Easter Egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken.
"You're a real good egg."
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."