Jack Jokes

Girls on Cruise Jenny was sitting reading her favorite magazine when suddenly an ad pops for an all-expenses-paid cruise for the low price of $500. She excitedly goes to Jack, her husband, and shows him the ad. "Look Jack," she says, "it's in two days and only $500!" "I'll be honest with you," said her husband, "I have too much work for a cruise. How about you go and have a good time?" His wife is a bit disappointed but bounces back and decides she will have a good time anyway. The next day, Jack is in his office when his co-worker, who is also his mistress, comes to him excitedly. "Look Jack," she says, "there's this cruise tomorrow that is on sale! Only $500!" "I'm really not into cruises, to be honest." Replies Jack. "Here's $500, why don't you go and have a good time?" She agrees to do just so, and as it turns out, both his wife and his mistress ended up going on the same cruise. A few days later, his wife comes back from the cruise. As she tells him how much fun she had, she shows him photos she took. While looking them over, Jack notices that his lover Brenda is in some of the photos in the background. He points to her and asks his wife: "Who's she?" "Oh, her." sniffs his wife disdainfully, "I call her the cruise-slut because she slept with half of the men there." The next day, Jack goes to the office and gets the same excited story accompanied by photos from his mistress Brenda. Once again, he sees a familiar face in some of the photos - his wife. He then points to his wife and asks Brenda: "Who is she?" "Oh, her!" says Brenda, "She's such a nice woman, with all the men on board, she never left her husband's side for a second!"
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
“L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there’s a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson — and when he shows up, they tell him there’ll be a ten-minute wait.”
Bill Maher
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
If I had Jack Sparrow's compass, it'd be pointing at you.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Little Johnny Counts to 10 The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Whats worse than getting fingered by Captain Hook? Getting raped by jack the ripper.
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
Jack was in the playground when one of his friends asked, "Yo mama so tall did she play basketball?" He replied, "Your mom is so short. Did she scrub floors?"
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