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The Lion's Birthday Party
The Lion's Birthday Party Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane? A: 99. Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge. Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fridge? A: Open the fridge, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the fridge. Q: Today is the lion king’s birthday party. All animals except for one arrive. Which animal is missing and why? A: The elephant is missing because he is still stuck in the fridge. Q: Sally must cross an alligator-infested river in order to safely make it out of a huge jungle. Usually, the alligators would kill any animal that approaches their waters. However, Sally makes it across safely. Why? A: All the alligators are at the lion king’s birthday party. Q: Unfortunately, Sally still dies. How did she die? A: She was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Will Rogers
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I’m not gonna die the same way.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are molesters, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.

"AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
A Duel For Love
A Duel For Love A man gets home early from work and catches his wife in bed with another man... The husband challenges the other man to an old fashioned duel with his hand guns, whoever manages to shoot first and kill the other gets his wife. The other man agrees, so they go into another room so the wife doesn't have to see it. Once in the other room, the husband turns to the other man and says: "Why should either of us have to die? We will both fire a shot into the air and lay on the ground as if we're dead, when she comes in she will see our 'lifeless' bodies and rush to one of us, whoever she chooses can have her." The other man agrees again, so they fire into the air and collapse. The wife throws the door open and peers down at the two men, then backs out of the room and calls out: "Darling, you can come out! They're both dead!"
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.