Famous

Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?

No, with a knife.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Mary's Beans and the BB Gun
Mary's Beans and the BB Gun One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing. The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?" Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat, and shot the canary!"
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blond hair.
We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.
After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
The Talented Painter
The Talented Painter Many years ago, a wealthy woman, quite fond of collecting antiques and curiosities, found a vase during her travels. She liked the vase so much that she decided to paint her entire display room the same color as the vase. She put out an announcement saying that she will pay out a great deal of money to anyone who can come up with the matching color paint. Many painters came to examine the vase, but try as they might, they couldn't create a paint quite to the woman's satisfaction. One day, a painter comes along asking to examine the vase and promising that he could come up with a matching color. True to his word, after a minute looking at the vase, he is immediately able to deliver to the owner's satisfaction, and is awarded the job. This incident made him famous, which he used to launch a thriving business. Many years later, he decides to retire and hand over the business to his son. His son says to him, "Dad, I have just one question for you. How did you get the paint to match the vase so perfectly?" His father looks at him and says: "Can you keep a secret?" "Sure." The old man comes close to him, leans over and whispers: "I painted the vase."