Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable? It couldn’t catch up.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone? Exparagus.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable? It didn't carrot all.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch? Lettuce spray.
My brother turned into a vegetable. I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army? A kernel.
What did the vegetable say at the party? Lettuce turnip the beet!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable? A turnip.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable? A head of lettuce.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house? A brothel sprout.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable? Brocc lee.
What vegetable is kind of cool? The Radish.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down? Turnip over.
You Are What You Eat
One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street.
One was a vegetarian and constantly berated the other for eating meat.
After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"
The carnivore replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)."
As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over. The carnivore called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news." He told the uninjured carnivore.
"The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."