Vegetable Jokes

What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Sorry to interrupt with a bad pick up line, but if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.
You Are What You Eat One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a vegetarian and constantly berated the other for eating meat. After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!" The carnivore replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)." As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over. The carnivore called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news." He told the uninjured carnivore. "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
If you were a vegetable, you'd be a CUTE-cumber.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
The Advanced New Supermarket As Josh strolled along the street, he saw his buddy Michael striding along anxiously with lots of bags in his hands. "Hey Michael, is everything alright? You seem kind of jumpy." Michael set the bags on the ground and said, "Yeah, I was just now at the state-of-the-art supermarket that they launched in the industrial part of the city." "Oh? What's it like there? I heard it's remarkable." "Kind of..." Michael replied. Josh was amazed when Michael described the grocery store with enthusiasm - emphasizing the atmosphere of naturalness and genuineness. You could hear cows mooing and smell the barn in the milk section. In the egg aisle, chickens were cackling and the chicken coop was in the air, and it was even better in the vegetable section - you could literally hear the farmers and smell the fields! "Wow, that sounds incredible!" Josh exclaimed. "Well, yes, in principle." said Michael with a grimace, "But this is the last time I'm going there to buy toilet paper."
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
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