Offer Jokes

“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”

- Jodi Picoult.
Do you offer jarring experience? Because you turn my cucumber into a pickle inside.
It will be a habitual action for me to offer you a simple present.
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What is age, but something to count?
Some people fight it, like climbing a mount.
I choose to live, with dignity and grace,
And offer a drink, to all in this place.

(Julie Hebert)
The Priest and Satan's Deal
The Priest and Satan's Deal A priest was approached one night by Satan himself. "Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear." The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days." The next morning, the priest requested to meet the bishop. "Your Excellency, I need your advice for a temptation I have been given!" He told over his strange encounter. The bishop was shocked. "A deal with Satan?! Do not do it, it will destroy your soul!" But he could see the priest was not convinced. So the bishop arranged a meeting with the archbishop. "Your Excellency, this priest has an urgent matter he needs advice about!" He told over the story. The archbishop bowed his head in silent prayer, and after a few moments responded. "Firstly, your hearing is a gift from God. It would be forbidden to sacrifice any part of it. Secondly, a deal with Satan?!? Never do it!" But the priest wasn't convinced. He was imagining all the wealth, fame and power he'd receive. So the archbishop requested an audience with the Pope. The three of them came into the Papal office in great awe. They sat, and the archbishop spoke. "Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!" "Sorry," said the Pope, "could you speak a little louder?"
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Do you like yoga? Because yoganna love what I can offer you.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
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