Present

My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Rabbit.
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it's a present!
Past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
There was a young person called Smarty,
Who sent out his cards for a party.
So exclusive and few,
Were the friends that he knew,
That no one was present but Smarty.
There was an Old Man of Melrose,
Who walked on the tips of his toes;
But they said, 'It ain't pleasant,
To see you at present,
You stupid Old Man of Melrose.
A man gives his wive a coffin for her 70th birthday,
When she turns 71, she asks "why didn't you get me a present?" And the man answers "but you havent used the one I gave you last year."
Harry asks his wife Harriet: "What would you like as a present for your birthday?"
Harriet looks at him sarcastically and yells "A divorce!" and then throws her head back and laughs.

Harry looks down wringing his hands, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much."
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

“Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”.

That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
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