What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.