People with 20-20 vision.. Why you didn't warn us before??
Why aren't prostitutes allowed near prisons? Because a sentence shouldn't end with a proposition.
What concert costs $0.45? 50 Cent with Nickelback.
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university? Hannibal Lecture.
I've been searching for three years for my mother-in-law's killer... but apparently no one will do it.
What quarantine really taught me? That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language.
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
I am reading a horror story in Braille. Someone is going die, I can feel it.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government? Lesbionage.
I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!" POOF! The horse disappears.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.
But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
I know I've never been all that attractive. But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? No more jokes about the profit.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
I was kidnapped by mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
Why did the hipster drown? He went ice Skating before it was cool.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics... But graphing is where I draw the line!
My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard. But I think she's JokiSDGF4s475241GHHHNM,GDSSSDFSDFSDFADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrTTTTTTEEEECbbbbbbbbII003333454587111,KSDFUJYTFD3u8ol;b ki90l.YJNMLGDSFSDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;//
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Stop saying your life is a joke. A joke has meaning.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform. She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?" "No we need bread!"
Your parents are the greatest comedians in the world. They made a joke decades ago and we're all still laughing at it.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konnichihuahua.