What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.